Source: http://news.hkheadline.com/dailynews/headline_news_detail_columnist.asp?id=230970§ion_name=wtt&kw=126
T he Hung Hom Railway Station toilet is disgraceful (shockingly unacceptable, shameful). That's why I dread using it. There are always puddles (small pools) of pee (urine) on the floor under the urinals (bowls in public toilets for men to pee (urinate) into). The toilet also smells terrible. Whenever I use that toilet to pee (verb) I always have to spread (open) my legs wide apart to avoid stepping on the puddles of pee (noun). I cannot understand why men using that toilet are especially bad at aiming into the urinal. I have never seen puddles of pee on the floor of the toilet in the Mandarin Hotel. Maybe the cleaner in the railway station toilet is always goofing off. To goof off is a slang expression that means to avoid your work or responsibility.
The MTR and the government should put up signs and make announcements in all public toilets warning men to aim properly when they urinate. Toilet attendants should be ordered not to goof off so they can carefully observe men with lousy aim. Men caught missing the urinal should be fined. Those who are caught more than three times peeing on the floor instead of into the urinal should be charged and taken to court. The judge should send such people to a special prison where inmates (people in jail) are taught how to aim properly when they urinate.
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上周末，我搭直通車到內地。上車前先在紅磡鐵路站小解（took a pee）。 To take a pee是小解的俗語，許多人看電影前先小解（take a pee），那麼他們就不用在看戲途中去洗手間。我很怕（dread）用紅磡站的洗手間，dread即是很害怕或很擔憂。有些人很怕（dread）搭飛機，我則很怕（dread）搭港鐵時要坐在挖鼻的人旁邊。
紅磡站洗手間簡直不堪入目（disgraceful），以致我很怕（dread）要用到。在男人撒尿（pee）的尿兜（urinal）下，地上總是有些小尿氹（puddles of pee）。洗手間更是臭氣熏天。每當我去那廁所小解（pee，動詞），總得擘開（spread）雙腳，好讓我不會踏到地上的尿（pee，名詞）氹（puddles）。我很難明白，為何光顧那個廁所的男人總是射不準尿兜（urinal）。我在文華酒店的洗手間就從來沒見過尿氹（puddles of pee）。或許車站洗手間的清潔工人常常開小差（goofing off），To goof off是俗語，意即偷懶不工作。
港鐵和政府好應在所有公共廁所張貼告示和廣播，警告男人撒尿時要對準尿兜，同時下令洗手間當值員不要偷懶（goof off），要他們好好監視那些射不準的男人。要是抓到射不中尿兜的男人，就罰他們錢吧。那些撒尿（peeing）到地上而非尿兜裏（urinal）的人，被逮到超過三次，就要被告上法庭。然後再立一個特殊監獄，教導囚犯（inmates）撒尿時要怎樣瞄準，讓法官把這些人統統送進去。
mickchug@gmail.com
中譯:七刻
Michael Chugani 褚簡寧