I read that bananas cause flatulence and this makes people fart. Most farts are stinky. This means they smell bad. That's why I was surprised when I read that the organizers of last Sunday's Hong Kong Marathon gave bananas to all the runners. Bananas provide energy and carbohydrates, which long-distance runners need. The organizers of last Sunday's marathon bought over 100,000 bananas, which they gave to runners at water stops and at the finishing line. About 65,000 runners took part in the marathon and they were all eating bananas. I am sure many of them would have been farting. If they had all farted, it would have caused a very stinky smell. Luckily I did not go to see the marathon.
The word banana can be used in many ways. I think the organizers were bananas to give the runners bananas. This means the organizers were crazy to give the runners bananas. I'll go bananas if I have to smell the farts of 65,000 runners. This means I'll go crazy if I have to smell so many farts. To go bananas also means to get angry. A banana republic is a small, poor and undemocratic country which depends on just one kind of export, such as bananas, to survive. I might go to see the marathon next year if the organizers agree to give spectators free face masks for protection against stinky farts.
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我已不再吃香蕉了。我不再吃蕉，是因為我讀到有消息指，香蕉會產生胃氣（gas）。 Gas這個字有幾個意思，車輛的汽油，在美式英語是gas，英式英語則稱為petrol。許多香港家庭用來煲水和煮食的煤氣也叫作gas，但gas也解作腹脹、胃脹的氣，在腸臟過多的氣就叫作flatulence。人可以在口部噫氣，就是打嗝（burping）或噯氣（belching）；或是透過肛門排放氣體（gas），這就叫做breaking wind，或大部份人今天都會說的俚語farting。
我讀到，香蕉會造成腸胃氣脹（flatulence），令人放屁（fart）。大部份的屁（farts）都很臭（stinky）。因此當我讀到，上星期日香港馬拉松的主辦單位向跑手派發香蕉，我感到很意外。香蕉可提供能量和碳水化合物，是長途跑手所需要的。星期日，馬拉松的主辦單位帶來十萬隻香蕉，在食水補給站和終點派發給跑手。大約有六萬五千名跑手參與馬拉松，人人也在吃香蕉。我敢肯定，他們許多人都會放屁（farting），要是他們人人都放屁（farted），一定造成非常難聞（stinky）的氣味。還好，我沒有去看馬拉松。
Banana這個字也可以有幾個用法，我認為主辦單位向跑手派發香蕉（bananas）是瘋的。要是我嗅到六萬五千名跑手的屁味（farts），我也會go bananas。那即是說，我嗅到那麼多的屁（farts），我一定會抓狂。To go bananas即是發怒，banana republic則是指細小、貧窮又不民主的國家，只會倚賴一樣出口，例如香蕉，去生存。我下年也許會去看馬拉松，要是主辦單位願意向觀眾提供免費口罩，去抵禦惡臭（stinky）的屁味（farts）。mickchug@gmail.com
中譯:七刻
Michael Chugani 褚簡寧
Source: http://news.stheadline.com/dailynews/headline_news_detail_columnist.asp?id=274962§ion_name=wtt&kw=126